He loved me before the first angel was brought forth.
He created me to be the only one of my kind.
He carefully put into me each small piece that makes me, me.
And to Him I am special!
He colored my eyes green and threw in a splash of gold flecks, then He stood back and smiled.
He smiled right into my eyes and from that second forward He has been longing to look into my eyes again.
He placed each freckle lovingly on my nose and cheeks then blew a few away to make me just the way He wanted me.
He placed each hair on my head and then colored them with His finger.
Most importantly God filled the center of my heart with a garden.
My garden has wildflowers bordering the paths and each path leads to the center of the garden.
The center of my garden has a Throne and a footstool and there God waits for me to find Him.
Each day that I live God waits for me to come sit with Him;
to be filled of Him, overflow with love from Him and love for Him.
So many days I did not come but God waits just the same.
And when I did not come,
His face changed from expectancy, to concern, to sadness.
Till at the end of the day a single tear runs down God's cheek as He watches my eyes close in sleep.
He continues to watch as I toss and turn; fighting alone my demons of pain, loss, loneliness, and fear.
Then He touches my soul and whispers, "Sleep my child."
And only God knows, if on the morrow, I'll turn to Him for my comfort.
If I will find Him in the garden of my heart and sit at His feet being filled with the love and comfort I need to walk through the day;
OR
Will I again look for my comfort in human arms, in food or drink or in empty entertainment.
Only God knows and He loved me still, He still loves me!!
What did God do for me?
He sent my guardian angel on that dark, cold, December night.
My angel came to the hospital bed where I lay unconscious, all alone, burning up with a killing fever.
My angel bent over me and touch my sizzling brow; my fever gone – my angel then kissed my childish cheek and whispered, "Little one, your Heavenly Father loves you very much; sleep now."
The next morning God watched as my earthly daddy's eyes filled with tears of joy as he saw me sitting up in bed, telling my nurses a memory verse about the angel of the Lord watching over His little ones.
God left me a reminder of His love and healing power; He took back a part, but not all, of my hearing.
God watched me as I grew.
I learned mostly only the rules of religiosity instead of the love of Jesus Christ and His gift of salvation.
I grew to be a spoiled, stubborn girl.
I always wanted to do everything myself; my way.
A lot of life, in this war-torn world, had to happen to me before I could see how much I needed
my Savior Jesus Christ.
At the age of 16, after a beautiful week of prayer, I stood beside a small river watching others be baptized.
God talked longingly to me, pleaded with me to give my life to Him; to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior.
I did not take that first step.
I stood rooted to the ground.
By not deciding, I chose my own path.
What would my life have been like had I took one step towards my friend that day?
I was baptized when I was 23 years old on my Bonnie's third birthday.
But only as a legal formality because I believed I could not go to heaven if I was not baptized.
But I did not know my Savior. I was far, very far, from Him.
One night, years later, after I had tried it all, I cried out to God.
"God," I said, "if You are real, if You are here, if You love me, please let me know."
And in that moment I knew, God was there, in that dark, horrible empty night;
He let me know He was right there beside me, all around me,
"I am right here, little one," He said, "I am right here with you."
I felt Him; I feel Him still.
Every time my mind goes back to that night I feel God's presence.
But still I did not go to Him for my strength and comfort.
I had so many years to fight for my own ways!
I'm sure my guardian angel must have shook his head and said, "What is wrong with this crazy human girl?"
After four broken marriages, still looking for human arms to comfort me.
After hurting my two beautiful daughters, hurting my dear dad, hurting my sweet, long-suffering momma, and disappointing my four precious grandchildren, Whitney, Victoria, Eli and Emmalyne
I have finally found that — My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.
And I do surrender all.
Yes, all to Jesus I surrender all to Him I freely give.
Now, I go to the garden alone while the dew is still on the roses
and there I find Him waiting for me, my friend, my Savior, my God.
